Today I came to the conclusion that if there was ever such a thing as bad juju or just the worst luck in the entire world, then I have it. It must have set an irreversible chain of events into motion that are basically in place to send me into a dark hole of despair and a very public nervous breakdown.
It started last week with small things like missing my train every day for the entire week. No matter how much earlier I leave the house, something will always stop me from getting there.
A freak storm, road closures, a black hole in the time space continuum… anything is possible if it means that I will be late to the train station and miss my train.
Then I managed to spill an entire cup of coffee on my crisp white shirt. The one time I decide to wear a white shirt and it gets soaked by a large cappuccino, so not only do I stink like rancid milk and look like a derelict vagrant, I also don’t have any coffee left to drink which I think is the real tragedy here.
Today would be my undoing.
It was a new week, a fresh start. I thought I would start the day off strong, wake up early enough to have a long leisurely shower, breakfast AND not miss my train. All was going well until I reached work and realized that somewhere along the way I had dropped my work security pass which also contained my monthly train ticket. That’s right, monthly.
I cannot explain the anger that ensues when you realise you have just flushed the equivalent of a whole day’s pay down the drain because you dropped this stupid piece of paper somewhere on your way to work.
I rush back out of the office to retrace my steps and hopefully find this flimsy scrap of paper that is literally the last hinge holding my sanity in place before it completely crumbles and sends me into a full-scale psychological meltdown. To my growing despair it is nowhere to be found.
Once again I am late to work, minus one security pass and monthly train ticket and also now drenched in sweat from having to run around Bondi Junction retracing my steps to look for this bloody security pass and theatrically asking people if they have seen it as if I have lost a child or something.
So no pass, no train ticket, and a gallon of sweat. Right now, I would sell both my kidneys and an eyeball if it meant that I would never have to sweat again. We live in 2014, how has nobody invented a way to completely remove sweat glands yet? What are scientists even doing?
As I sit at my desk and ponder the tragedy that is my life I am so overcome with frustration that I feel like it will cause me to spontaneously combust. I am having an internal struggle of epic proportions as I fight the urge to burst into hysterical sobs or remain composed in front of my co-workers. I am so fragile that all it takes is opening my email to see an absurd amount of emails in my inbox to finally snap the last link to my sanity and I just start laughing. Laughing so hard that I start crying.
Full blown ugly crying.
I am too unstable to even care about what I look like or the fact that I am actually going to eventually have to compose myself and work through those emails. I have lost all ability for rational thought and have flung myself into emotional chaos with carefree abandon.
But one person’s tragedy is another person’s comedy so hopefully you can laugh about this without also crying about it.